Oki again!

I went back to Oki last weekend. It was lovely. The weather the first day was awful but after that the island turned on two such gorgeous days that it was hard to tear myself away.I spent the first night at Setsuko's big beautiful house out in Tsudo and it was good to get some quality time with her, then on the second night I went to the farewell party for Kamada and Kuroda, two of the teachers I worked with last year at Saigo Minami.
It was really lovely to see folk again, but almost without exception, everyone who hadn't seen me since last July told me how much I have changed. The most common descriptor was tough. I have (apparently) now become really tough. When asked to elaborate, they also came up with more confident, more energetic (and seemed to relate this to me having lost a bit of weight by not needing to warm myself with chocolate-and-peanut-butter-goodness all winter). I puzzled over whether this was just because they only saw a happy me making to most of time with friends who I miss a lot, or whether I really have changed.
And I think I have.
When I was on the island I was never bored or lonely like I have been feeling lately, but I was very alone. And being alone makes you rather introverted. I thought too much about what was going on in my head and I kind of lost the ability to guess (as one must for everyday interaction) what was going on in the minds of those around me (also they like, think in like, Japanese and stuff, so it is kinda tricky to mind-read). As Helen said it "there are some days when you just don't smile." And it is true, not because you are sad but just because you are weirdly calm.
Or something.
Anyway. I think what I am getting at is I spent a lot of time this year wishing I was somewhere else. Whenever I was frustrated at school, or uncomfortable in social situations, or lonely, or hungry for tasty Japanese dishes, I wished I had never left the island. But I don't think I have changed for the worse, so the me that has been missing that life is not the me who would be living it had I never left. I spend a lot of time living in a future that never comes to be or a present that isn't. It is time to take the advice of that great sage of Aurora Illinois, Garth: "It'll never happen man! Live in the now!" I shall try. Um and I shall also try to give a little thought to that fast approaching future of not being in Japan.
With that load of self involved soul-search-a-rooney. I shall leave you all and take off to Taiwan.
Mwah-ha-ha-ha.