More for Me

It is signed and faxed and final. I will be staying in Japan for the next 17 months. I don't like the look of that number. Let's say for another year, another home and a new adventure. Last Thursday night when I tried to turn over my paper with the "will not recontract" option circled I was such a mess (and my supervisor was so worried about how she was to explain this turn of events to the good people in Hamada) that an extra few days was negotiated for me to think over my decision. I think it may have been the extreme coffee drinking that went on on Friday to get me through school, but somehow I decided to change my mind again again again, and stay and go to Hamada.

The teachers at the school I was at got the idea that my spending another year on Oki was still a possibility (the English teacher told them I was deciding to explain my jittery confusion and strange aversion to the sound of the telephone) and two of them told me they thought I was tender. Had visions of self trussed up and slowly spit-roasting.

Thank you muchly to people who offered opinions and stuff. I know and knew I had to decide by myself but it is really hard to argue it out with oneself. I end up placating both of me and telling all involved that everything will work out fine and why don't we just have some chocolate and a nice spoonful of peanut butter.

I will be home for Christmas this year though. Am looking forward already. It is hard to feel festive when cold has deprived you of feeling of any kind in your extremities.

In other exciting news I will have Pam visiting from tonight. I am sure she would be quite terrified if she knew how much I am looking forward to seeing her (although that hasn't translated into the flurry of cleaning I had planned for the weekend, I spent most of the time sitting. Sitting and feeling dazed and reading the Dompost from January 24th - thanks Lisa!)

Happy Waitangi day also. I hope you are all basking in something somewhere and celebrating as you see fit.

Cabin fever

Well. Time seems to be passing rather quickly at the moment as time does before essays, during holidays and while playing civilisation. I have until Friday (2 days) to decide if I am going to do a second year in Japan. I went and visited the place I got the transfer to last weekend hoping that it would help me in my decision but unfortunately it hasn't. It is a nice place I am just not sure if Japan is the way for me. Next year will be another new set of people and expectations and students but without the novely factor. The point of the move is supposed to be that I will have some friends. Oh oh lonesome me.

Hmmm. In an attempt to make myself more decisive I have stopped sleeping and begun eating only peanut butter and chocolate and rice crackers. Unfortunately this has made my brain about as fast and gruntled as a guinea-pig swimming in porridge. I don't know if you have ever tried consulting a breakfast encrusted rodent on any matters of importance but I'll tell you it is no fun for either party. I just have this horrible feeling that making this decision is going to be a bit like trying to bite my elbow. Frustrating in the attempt and ultimately impossible.

I feel like a possum caught in the headlights of an approaching vehicle but instead of doing the decent thing and squishing me I just know it is going to stop and ask directions.

I know that it really doesn't matter what I do, that either decision is fine fine fine but that is probably the most discomforting thought of all - that really my year is not worth so much y'know? I'd like it to have some empirical value.

Enough rant. If, dear reader, you have any suggestions, rational or irrational, considered or cute, trite or trying, please, please give them to me. I have spent too many months alone with my thoughts and we have cabin fever.